MY LIFE AND MY FRIEND: QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSION

We’re back! We promised to round up this series with a question and answer session. This is to give room for practical learning and to iron out first hand real life situations from our readers. So sit back and pick up every lesson that is meant for you here. Enjoy!

QUESTION: I use to move with some group of friends, 9 of us, but along the line we got separated. Thus, the friendship cord was broken. Apart from prayer, what physical steps can I take to unite everyone?

ANSWER:
In every good friendship, there are core things that connect people together. Once that connecting value is lost or compromised, the friendship may tend to fail. So in bringing back the broken cord, pick out the things that makes your friendship worked before and start to incurcate it again. Go to classes together, go to fellowship activities together, engage in group reading together again if that’s the connecting point. Soon enough, you guys will be back on your feet together again.

QUESTION: As a lady, I enjoy staying around male friends more but my parents are complaining. They think I’m getting wayward. What do I do?

ANSWER: Wisdom is profitable to direct. Must your friends be guys? As much as possible try and get good friends of the same sex as opposite sex friendship takes more difficulty to maintain provided it will be successful without ending in feelings and infatuation galore. So, go for same sex friends, grow together and try to reduce the male friends. Perception is everything. Even when you’re not dating him, the fact that you’re always together with a guy suggest something fishy. Remember, you won’t always be there to defend yourself.

QUESTION: I have a male friend, we aren’t that close, we’re just kind of bonded. We do almost everything together and it’s like am feeling goose bumps for him. But every time his thought cross my mind, I feel like we should be intimate, but I don’t want that from him, can you help me?

ANSWER: You are simply developing feelings for him. Most times, infatuation sets in when you relate with a guy without setting neccessary boundaries. At this stage, you need to stop and address your emotion. Pay attention to it and control that lust. Part of addressing it is to discuss it with someone you can confide in and maintain distancing with that friend. Break the closeness gap. That fire cannot be quenched by you being around the person. Sacrifice the friendship at that point to take care of your feelings. When that is done, ensure absolute boundaries are set so you don’t repeat it with others.

QUESTION: I’m a guy. My closest friend is a lady but everyone around me thinks there’s something between us. Nobody trusts us.
What do I do?

ANSWER: Make relationship plain and OPEN since you have nothing to hide. Make sure right boundaries are set and you don’t open up for intimacy so as not get emotional. Avoid secrecy and they will soon come up to believe you.

QUESTION: How can I ignore some bad friends without being rude?

ANSWER: There are ways to disentangle yourself from bad friends. You can simply withdraw from chats and close contacts. Also, when you stop sharing confidential information, the other person picks the signal and adjust. All in all, make sure you don’t stay in bad friendship, what is bad is bad. You don’t need to be sorry to leave a clique that will destroy you. Leave unapologetically. Your future is at stake!

QUESTION: As a guy, I find it easier to relate with the opposite sex, as such, most of my friends are females. At one point or the other, I develop some feelings for one or maybe two. Is this a normal thing? Most time such doesn’t last long but it does complicate the friendship. How can one prevent this awkward situation and when it occurs what can one do?

ANSWER: when feelings comes up, it is a sign of laxity in boundaries set and laws broken. When the door of intimacy is wide open between opposite sex in friendship, feelings will definitely come up. So when it does, correct yourself and address the feeling. If it’s getting out of hand then you will need to opt out of that friendship so as to cool the fire you’ve started.

QUESTION: I’m a guy, I have a female friend and we’re close. The problem now is, She’s developing feelings and I can’t return it, how will I handle the situation without destroying our friendship?

ANSWER: come out Open about it by confronting her with boundaries setting and the need to remain as friends without the Flow of untammable flow of emotions. Secondly, reduce the closeness as much as possible and withdraw from all intimacy and secrecy so as to kill the emotions. Friendship between opposite sex is Only for those that are ready to obey the rules guiding it. No one will apologize or suffer the consequences of engaging in it with you if you fail to handle it well. Rather, go for same sex friendship and avoid stories.

QUESTION: Okay, first in school, you really like someone, you like the person’s behavior and you became friends. You sacrifice everything you have for the person
But you realize the person , did not take you as an important person, or friend at all, she just see you as ordinary somebody.
What can someone do?

ANSWER: You can teach your friend how to give you listening ears… Especially when you know that their not listening to you is not intentional. So, you can try to chip it in by explaining that you want her to listen to what you have to say. Especially if you plan to keep the friend with you for long… (if she’s a good friend). Most of the things you want to see in your friends… You can intentionally make them understand It by teaching them and By doing those things yourself as an example.

QUESTION: Is it of any good to have many friends, because an adage says to much friends lead to problem.

ANSWER: The truth is too many friends leads to trouble. You only need one or two faithful friends. And remember, It takes time to build friendship. So, take it one at a time. Start with one consistent friend. When God see how faithful you are. He can bring more to you. But always keep the number as low as possible so there won’t be difference in interests and focus. Just one bad friend is enough to lead a person astray.

QUESTION: You have a friend who you always want to talk to, or pour your heart, but the person is not always ready to give a listening ear, what can you do?

ANSWER: Friendship is never one way… It must be mutual. If you try to communicate your friendship to someone and the person seems less interested. You can simply change her status with you. There’s no harm in stopping the sacrifice and Love as she seems less interested. We all deserve to be loved. If she’s not your friend. Move on from her. God has someone better for you..

QUESTION: How can I get a good friend?

ANSWER: .Finding a true friend takes time… The truth is, you can have 5 normal friends and they won’t move up to your true friend until years later. It all depends on how much effort you are ready to put into it.
Firstly… Why do you need friends?
The reason why you desire friends will determine the kind of friends you will go for…
You must ask these questions when looking for a friend,..
Do we share the same belief about God?
Do we understand each other?
Do we see life from the same standpoints??
Does our Values…. Match? Also, don’t rush it. Don’t be forward in making someone your friend. Let it grow and flow from both ends…
Secondly, Make it spiritual… Involve God…. Make sure God wants you to be in that friendship.
Lastly, Make your efforts. Check up on her and let the other person realize the seriousness of the friendship. Then the journey gets better and sweeter as both of you walk through friendship consciously together.

QUESTION: As a guy, like 3 or 4 ladies are calling me Bestie o. It’s not like we’re not close o but I know my real bestie. Should I tell them to stop calling me bestie?

ANSWER: Define your friendships. Set the boundaries. Let both parties understand the extent of the relationship and what the friendship IS NOT. In that way, there won’t be misplaced priorities. Also, the idea of a best friend is serious and should not be joked with. Let every friend take responsibility for what they stand for and what they truly deserve from that friendship. We all know who we truly trust amongst many friends, be true enough to let everyone know their stake with you.

Finally, it has been a wonderful and educative session for everyone. This is the sixth post coming up in the series tagged My Life and My Friend which shows how important the concept of Friendship is. Friendship is the beauty of living. I’m assured you’ve been more than blessed through this series. Kindly drop your comments and also follow the blog so as to be notified once a new post drops. Thanks for Choosing The Fire Place.