Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go. Proverbs 3:5-6 TPT
In recent times, the young believer’s world has witnessed drastic changes in the way affairs between male and female youths are seen and addressed. What we used to know about youthful relationships are the likes of friendship, courtship and then a mix of youths that decide to thread the path of illicit relationships that don’t glorify God, in that they encourage activities that eventually lead to sexual sins, it gives no room for accountability and responsibility, etc. In the midst of all these, there seems to be a new issue springing up amongst Christian youths that must be addressed as a matter of urgency, before things get worse than it is, and it is what we tag “SITUATION-SHIP” in this series. We believe there is a reason why God would have us shed more light to this issue at this particular time, so as to liberate young believers and reveal God’s heart to them about their relationship. So, as we journey through this series, open your heart to unlearn, learn and relearn truths that will set you on a clear path in your relationship with others. Welcome to the fire place!
What is Situation-ship? What we termed Situation-ship is a situation where an unmarried man and lady relate without defining the purpose of their relationship. There is an old saying that says “When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”. Any form of relationship that exists between opposite sex that is not defined and just allowed to flow as things goes by is very toxic and can lead to tons of unplanned troubles for both parties. Words such as “Let’s see what happens” are the usual words that are being used at the opening stage of such relationships. Some people call it friendship but truth be told, we all know when the friendship is already moving to something else. The situation whereby “dating and love relationship stuffs” are already happening inside what you term friendship is what we call Situation-ship. Usually, things start normally with friendship building steadily, but most of us do forget that when relating with the opposite sex in friendship, emotions must be checked and kept at bay at all times through proper defining of such relationship with explicit boundaries laid! When this is not done, it is very practical and expected that our emotions get the better part of us and then the lines start getting blurry as the relationship deepens; if this describes what you are experiencing in any of your deals with the opposite sex in your life, you might just have been hooked in situation-ship already!
There is an important information most young people usually don’t pay attention to while involving themselves in relationships with the opposite sex, especially in their youthful years. Emotions are blind! Your emotions can’t see what you are seeing; emotions work with an entirely different system buildup! Emotions tend to follow the direction of your regular communication with the opposite sex, especially when those communications build up at strategic hours of the night, consistently. It is a known fact that when communication between young folks primarily happens late in the night into the midnight hours, emotional entanglement is inevitable; it is only a matter of when it will happen. Also, when the lady and the guy involved are not ready to settle in a committed relationship or pay the price to be responsible in a relationship, what they settle for is a Situation-ship.
In most cases, situation-ships start out as innocent friendships without proper definition and to what extent the relationship is heading. Then, the lady starts to crave for more attention and care from the guy and in return, she starts to show up for the guy too. Communications build up fast, loose conversations erupt without any boundaries guiding discussions that must be kept undiscussed and reserved for relationship leading to marriage. When the guy starts meeting the emotional needs of the lady consistently, emotions start popping up and then the line keeps getting blurry until it is almost impossible to believe it is all a friendship relationship! Pet names flows in casually, exchange of gifts comes in and other blinded exchange of love languages from both sides but while this is going on, you will know in your heart that there is no commitment binding the relationship together, the brother can opt out someday and show up with another lady he is intending to spend the rest of his life with: this form of heart break hurts in a deeper way! Why? The relationship only exists in your world. The other party might just be catching cruise or supposedly playing along and enjoying the moment while still hoping a better relationship will suffice elsewhere. If that guy or lady should leave you today, where will you start from? What will be your profit from it all? Or I should rather ask you, how great will your loss be? Are you being played, or you are the player?
Furthermore, one easy way to detonate the bomb of situation-ship is the fact that it is mostly kept in your own heart or between just both parties and their small circles. When the brother is not ready and proud enough to declare who you are to him amongst people that matters in his life, then you can be sure you are being played! There are also cases whereby the two parties are just enjoying the moment while looking out for a real relationship that will eventually lead them to marriage, and since the situation-ship is kept hidden, it is easy to keep it away and also dispose the other party when things get out of hand.
You can unknowingly enter situation-ship! When it happens that there is a particular friend of the opposite sex that is usually the person you call in times of need, pain, happy times, when you need to talk and feel good, the person is just your man for all season, it is very possible that your emotion gravitates towards that particular person without your permission. Why? You have already granted your emotions the permission to gravitate towards that particular person due to the sensitivity of the affairs you have with that person. Without you knowing it or accepting the reality, your heart can begin to draw to the person emotionally and feel there is a special connection between you two. Remember, emotions and pictures painted in the heart rules this domain! If you are fond of allowing thoughts and pictures of the opposite sex to just roam around your mind, you are exposing yourself to seeds of future heartbreaks and emotional crisis!
When boundaries are not set in place, it is easy for undefined relationships to creep in.
At this point, it is important to sound a note of warning to sisters as they are on the receiving end most times, although both sex can fall victim in situation-ship, sisters need to understand that the door of intimacy must not be opened to anyone that is only ready for the talks and the cares without any visible show of seriousness in being committed in the relationship with marriage in view! There is a place of instituting boundaries that cannot be crossed by the male figures in a sister’s life until a formal agreement is made concerning courtship and marriage. When these boundaries are not in place in a sister’s life, it is easy for undefined relationships to creep in from brothers that are just interested in getting the milk without any plan to own the cow!
Brothers and sisters alike must make commitments never to embark on any relationship with the opposite sex without a proper definition of what it will be all about! It is important to set boundaries on what can be said, what you both refer to as extremes, and be ready to raise alarm when things are truly getting too far! The spirit telling you to just play along and see how things turn out is the spirit of destruction! God is not glorified in your shady and confused relationship deals with the opposite sex! At the center of every situation-ship exists two believers that continually disobey promptings from the Holy Spirit and the warning signals meant to prevent them from falling into that pit! The place of inquiring from the Holy Spirit before embarking on any relationship cannot be over-emphasized! In this generation, young people must not stray away from the ancient landmark of intimacy with the Spirit of God! In the place of staying with God, you submit all your relationships at His feet and wait on Him to speak about His will concerning each of them! When this is not continually practiced, trouble is already at the corner!
In the place of staying with God, submit all your relationships at His feet and wait on Him to speak about His will concerning each of them.When this is not continually practiced, trouble is already at the corner!
The journey of single youths is one that requires guidance and monitoring from both God and trusted spiritual guides! One thing that keeps coming up in this generation is the fact that young people are not ready to submit and stay under mentorship from the older generation! We rather prefer to go in the path of Rehoboam, who refused the counsel of the elders and followed the foolish thoughts of his peers. What was his end? The Kingdom of Israel tore into two as ten tribes rebelled and went under a new administration. Retuning back to the ways of the ancient and how they succeeded in their youthful age is the key to our living well in this time-bound season of our lives. As we wrap up this episode, I hope you have been able to pick lessons needed for your growth. In the next episode, we shall be discussing more detailed view about how situation-ship happens in the body of Christ and amongst relationships with spiritual leaders so we don’t keep having believers falling victim. Have you been blessed? Share with us in the comment section. Do you need further counselling and help concerning this topic? Check the about page for the contact details of the blog admin. Ensure you drop your email so you can be part of our newsletter and be alerted when we drop a new post. Remain blessed!