I hear the Lord saying, “I will stay close to you, instructing and guiding you along the pathway for your life. I will advise you along the way and lead you forth with my eyes as your guide”. Psalms 32:8 TPT
Welcome to the second episode of our series on Situation-ship. In the last episode, we described in details what situation-ship is all about and the different kind of ways it starts amongst young people. In this episode, we shall be diving more into how situation-ship happens in the body of Christ, most times unintentionally but with grave consequences. Solutions on stepping out of this confused form of relationship will also be provided in this episode. It is sad but true that even in the household of faith, a lot of unimaginable things happen among youths and are consistently being swept under the carpet and made invisible to the very ones that are meant to contain and deal with it.
There are wounded sisters and brothers scattered all around the house of God who mostly out of ignorance have been burnt and battered by the effects of situation-ships; some of the sisters watched the brother walk another lady down the aisle and joined together in Holy Matrimony! Some brothers were bewildered as their assumed relationship with sisters did not only end suddenly, but also became the stepping stone of the sisters into bigger and better relationship with another person. Either we decide to address it or not, these issues water down the move of God and prevent His people from serving Him with all their hearts. This is why deliverance is coming this day through this episode to end all the pain and regrets altogether at once, for those already working down this path or those about to make this terrible mistake! The word of the Lord is here. Are you ready for the fire experience?
Far beyond the perception of most believers, God is very intentional about the human relationships of His children!
Far beyond the perception of most believers, God is very intentional about the human relationships of His children! He wants to be part of the whole process. He wants to guide believers through all their dealings, here on earth. Only if man will allow God to instruct him and perform His Fatherly role fully, then and only then will man experience the magnitude of the love of God and His interest in all the affairs of man, especially human relationships. In the earthly ministry of Jesus, He related with the matters arising in His age. Jesus did not shy away from the needs of people when He was with us, He taught about finances, marriage, conduct in church worship, how to pray, judging others, relationship with children. He fed the hungry, healed the sick and expressed His love for humanity in such a dynamic way. Why? He is the visible image of our invisible maker sent to model the Father’s love to a dying world! If Jesus could relate with our weaknesses and troubles in such a matchless way, then we can be sure that God is far more interested. When a child of God enters a relationship without seeking the face of God, that’s mockery to His personality! Losing guard and allowing yourself to get carried away by the euphoria of emotions with the opposite sex without necessary boundaries and definition of where the union is headed to, only brings shame to the Name of the Lord! Dear young person, God is not glorified in your emotional wanderings. Wake up!
Losing guard and allowing yourself to get carried away by the euphoria of emotions with the opposite sex without necessary boundaries and definition of where the union is headed to, only brings shame to the Name of the Lord!
There is also a special form of situation-ship that needs to be addressed at this point. It is common that mentorship relationship happens in the body of Christ, most times between an older male figure and a younger female personality. It is understood that the aim of such relationship is to ensure that the lady becomes mature in Christ and a better believer, but while this is going on, the modes through which information is being passed between both parties consistently remains communication. Therefore, it is still subjected to the same laws that guide relating with the opposite sex. Sadly, we don’t often deal with it this way. Most sisters totally forget the fact that their male mentors and Spiritual leaders are still mortal men who directly or indirectly are still capable of stirring up emotions in the opposite sex. At least, the men would get married someday, if they haven’t done that already. Sisters also fail to protect their own emotions and guide their heart, as they freely pour out their heart and issues to these men without limits any day, anytime and anywhere!
There is a place of expressing yourself to your spiritual head and getting all the helps you can get, but when you start to stay outside the boundaries that guide such meetings, danger looms! Counselling is effective and a great solution to many problems until you allow it to get very personal and it is being done in ungodly hours, one on one and behind closed doors, constantly! Emotions are blind! Like we explained in the previous episode, it gravitates towards the person you have conversations with almost every time. All in the name of mentorship, the man can call you anytime he desires, you also have unrestricted access to him whenever you are in pain, emotional troubles and heartbreaks. This is dangerous! Is it wrong to have male mentors and Spiritual heads? NO! Is it wrong to submit to their mentorship? NO! Is it wrong to receive counsel from them constantly? NO! Is it wrong to run to them for help in times of trouble and urgent need? NO! Nevertheless, sisters should not let down their guard while relating with the referred male figure, as much as possible! Be wise!
Counselling is effective and a great solution to many problems until you allow it to get very personal and it is being done in ungodly hours, one on one and behind closed doors, constantly!
Furthermore, sisters are to be extra-careful to watch out for warning signals when relating with these male ministers and spiritual heads in their lives. Men will continue to be men, either they are anointed or not, and every man is expected to grow up and be emotionally mature and stable before embarking on mentoring sisters, either young or old. It is the duty of every sister to study the male spiritual head and watch out for his dealings with other sisters as well so as to be double sure he is a safe habitation not just spiritually, but also emotionally! His emotional state can affect how he relates with you as a sister, he can begin to chip in his own emotional needs occasionally using his access to you as a card to get emotional and extended care from you, constantly.
Conversations are powerful, take note of what you discuss with your male mentors! As much as they can help you move up higher in life, ensure you are wise enough to spot it when the boundaries are getting trampled upon and disregarded. As a lady, you also need to grow up spiritually to a point where you don’t need to depend on the person as your source of spiritual help every time. Imagine that instead of running to him every time, you have learnt to stay with God, get help in times of need, get your answer from God and you only need to report the testimonies of what God did to your mentor, two things happen: He will be grateful to God you are growing deeper in God and he will also understand that he cannot exploit your spiritual needs as a yardstick to get emotionally attached to you anymore. God is speaking to you expressly here already. Can you pick His voice?
In addition, all that I have explained should not be explained out of context to mean that male spiritual leaders are emotion-hungry. It is only important that we address how the behaviours of some male leaders relate to our topic of discussion in explicit terms. The roles of male spiritual leaders cannot be overemphasized in our lives, as they labour day and night to ensure that we are well equipped for life and consistently in perfect health all round. So, staying on any of the two extreme points is very dangerous. Totally avoiding contacts with male leaders and not being open to counsel from them might mean blocking out God’s blessing to you through men in strategic seasons of your life, and on the other hand believing that you cannot do without them and being emotionally loose with them to the extent of harboring their careless dealings with your emotional life, without caution is what we term Situation-ship in this episode!
Always remember that even God’s blessings to us can turn to evil when we fail to manage the blessing with wisdom and discipline!
Conclusively, if you are fond of calling your male mentors late into the night, allowing them to touch you occasionally when they feel like doing so, respecting their anointing even when they are practically crossing the line from discussing spiritual matters to loose conversations that you wouldn’t have tolerated had it been they are not men of God, then you need to redefine your stay in that mentorship! Also, avoid getting close to them when you are emotionally high or in desperate need of attention and care, rather than that, trust God to give you trusted female friends and older female spiritual leaders that will fill this gap instead! In the case where your spiritual leader or mentor is married, you can prayerfully consider drawing closer to his wife for issues that are emotionally sensitive to the female gender, rather than opening up yourself to emotional abuse by relating to a married man about such matters.
Whenever you notice any of all these signals, it is wise to reduce contacts and communication and then find a responsible way to communicate it with the person straight to the point! Always remember that even God’s blessings to us can turn to evil when we fail to manage the blessing with wisdom and discipline! Do you have further questions about this discuss? Do you need help in coming out in a situation that looks close to this, in anyway? The Fireplace blog team is ready to help you in this regard. Contact us through the details in the contact page of this blog and get help! Watch out for the next episode, Remain blessed!