Welcome back to the second episode of our series on “The Five Love Languages Simplified.” In the first episode, we have been introduced to what to anticipate for. As we know, there are five love languages — Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gifts. However, in this episode, we will be dealing with “gifts” as one of the five love languages.
The Greek word from which we get our English word “gift” is “charis”, which means grace or an undeserved gift. Gifts are visible and tangible evidence of emotional love. Most people, especially parents, misconstrue rewards as gifts. Telling a child that he will receive a gift after doing domestic chores is not a gift, it is a reward for being obedient. Gifts are substances that should be given as an expression of love. In future time, the child will still feel the love communicating to him. What makes a gift is when it is really undeserved, no deal attached.
What makes a gift is when it is really undeserved!
Gift giving should be done with some measure of ceremony. Measure of ceremony can be in form of a short note reaffirming your love which can be attached to the gifts. The purpose is to express emotional love. Personally, I love receiving gifts probably because I do save up to buy gifts for my loved ones on special occasion. Gifts brings back memories of how loved I am.
On the contrary, most parents feel like they make their children materialistic when they give them gifts and which is untrue or unrealistic. But gifts should be accompanied with other love languages like words of affirmation, physical touches which can be expressed in various forms. Some rich parents who are workaholics feel like getting their children gifts will fill up the empty love tank that exist. No, it can’t!!! Giving gifts is meant to be accompanied with some other love languages like quality time. Giving gifts will not make teenagers materialistic if the gifts are given rightly in a way that will assure the teenager of being loved several years after.
Giving out money is a form of giving gifts too but can only be appreciated if the receiver knows the value of cash. A teenager can know the value of cash in two ways; when he works for money and when the money given is meant to meet a specific need. With this, the teenager knows the real value of money and appreciates it better on an emotional level.
Gifts should be accompanied with other love languages!
There are things to consider before giving out gift. These are: the receiver’s welfare and interest. The receiver’s welfare will determine the kind of gifts to get. Getting a gift that will not meet the need of the receiver will make the gift unappreciated. The interest of the receiver is also a factor to consider before giving out gifts. For an instance, giving a music box as a gift to someone who doesn’t have interest in music will make such gift meaningless.
There are private and treasured gifts .The value of some gifts is enhanced by a private presentation. Every family has some of treasured gifts. They are not necessarily gifts of great monetary value, but they are treasured because of what they mean to the family. The treasure may be a ring, necklace, book, pen, Bible, or anything else that has special significance to the parent. These may have been items that have been passed down from former generations, or they may simply be items that are purchased for the explicit purpose of giving them to the teenager. They are the kind of gifts to which we attach emotional value.
The opposite of the aforementioned is counterfeit gifts. These are gifts designed to take the place of true love. They are given by busy and sometimes absentee parents, parents who are so caught up in the busyness of life that they have little time for exhibiting the love language of quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, or physical touch, so they try to make up for this deficit by giving the teenager gifts, sometimes expensive gifts.
In conclusion, giving gift is about the love behind the giving. I believe that by the end of this series, you will know your primary love language and also utilize love languages better. Thank you for choosing Fire Place Blog, stay with us as we continue in this series.
written by: Victoria Jesutomigba Abiodun (The Fire Place Blog Team Member)
[ANCHORED ON THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES BY GARY CHAPMAN]